Scars over callous

A very wise person whom I deeply love and respect once told me during my divorce that my heart would be hardened to further hurt.

I loved my 1st wife dearly. Parts of me still does. We were young. Not highschool sweethearts. Worse. We were early twenties, semi sexually experienced, drunk house party love.

‘All in’ type love. Forego any silly post highschool dreams. Focus on career, house and family type love.

It is still seared into my brain the day she came home and told me she didn’t love me any more. The look on her face when we locked eyes… I knew then and there my heart, my mind, my dreams fractured.

It’s a process dealing with hurt and heart ache. Some people run and hide. Some people push emotions in the corner. Some people find comfort via the chemical romance of alcohol. I did these as well as a number of other incorrect ways of processing my emotions.

Today, I’m trying to deal with emotions without the crutch of alcohol. It is very hard. But like my friend told me about future heart ache. Cuts on top of calloused scars. You feel the pressure of the injury, but the intensity of pain is dulled.