Weekend observations

Two weekends in a row. Go, go, go! Not an attempt at a new cheer but that is how the weekends have gone.

This Rona thing has got everyone crazy. People wanting to venture out who have not yet. People who have gotten out but are now wandering farther from home base. It seems we have all gotten weird about going outside.

So any way, some of the things I did as well as some things I noticed over the weekend I would like to share.

1st off… Things done.  2 emotional checks were confrontation avoidance and friendship recognition.  I also, went shining for deer under the buck moon, shot skeet, reached out to my dad, had multiple meals with friends and family, drove a 1977 Jeep CJ with a 304 small block and a 4 speed manual transmission, rebuilt a lawnmower carburator, saw my mother, celebrated my son’s birthday, reseated a tire on the rim of my tractor, fixed my grill, started a furniture restore project, watched the 2020 residential 4th of July Spectacular (possible future post…), cooked, cooked, and cooked again, told my son I loved him, rebuilt a railing piece for the play house that is at Grandma and Grandpa’s, saw Grandma and Grandpa, mowed the lawn, had dinner with my former wife, had dinner with my ex in-laws, went on a hike with my dog Duke, I wrote, I listened to classic vynil records and I worked out. I’m sure there may be a few more things but that is what sticks out.

Whew! Ok. Now for a few things I noticed. 1) We all still need real physical social interaction. 2)  How alcohol plays a role in real physical social interactions.

So #1 is most generally agreed upon by most of us. #2 however is open for major debate.

What I observed was this:   I saw conversations that only happen with alcohol as the fuel for discussion.  I saw a relationship starting under the illusion that alcohol provides a safe blanket for both people.  I saw a relationship questioned because the truth of what alcohol exposes.  I saw a boy take a sip of his 1st beer and watch his natural instincts to reject it from his body.  I saw someone put complete trust in me because they could not control themselves after they drank alcohol (another future post…).  I saw hurt. I saw questions of why.  I saw what alcohol does after X amount of years of continually putting it thru the human body.  I saw the lies alcohol so eligently whispers into the ear most of the adults I was around.

Here is what sucks. I wanted to be right there with all of them. Drinking. Leading the charge.  Music blaring. No rules. Just laughs and good times. Everything will be like it was before. And because I am drinking, I am numb.  All behavior now gets an asterisk next to it.  I will also sleep.  Oh, that sweet feeling of nothingness right before everything goes black.  It’s going to be ok this time. It will be different. Different because I am different. I’m stronger now.  It is because I am stronger now that I must still moved forward without alcohol in my life.

So now that the weekend is done, here is what I have observed.  alcohol still lies.  The miseducation about alcohol is abundant.  People can still have a good time without alcohol.  I’m trying my hardest to show it can be done. It’s also ok to still crave that old lifestyle. I had some of the best times of my life while drunk. In my recovery, it is important to me to recognize that alcohol was not the reason I had such a good time. It was the physical social need being fulfilled combined with a numbing chemical. So the brain easily assimilates consumption of this chemical leads to good times.

I can rest tonight knowing this: I couldn’t have done any of these things if I had put alcohol thru my body. It’s a hard truth but it is true none the less.

Be good my friend. I will write again soon.